Sex is a spectacular bonding tool. It’s my go-to means of connecting, which is why I am such a fan of make-up sex. You fight, you have sex, everything is good! But turning to sex as your sole means of bonding can be unhealthy, especially if you’re using it in place of conversation. Sex can also add fire to already unhealthy relationships. It gets so bad that all you can stand to do with one another is have (angry) sex, because hey at least it feels good! No bueno. So here are a few ways you can connect without inserting tab A into tab B. Have fun with it.
Teach each other something. From a new card game to how to use Photoshop, teaching and/or learning is a great way to connect. Also I find people who are teaching me things extremely appealing… Hot for teacher, I guess.
Dance. Alone. In your room. Just the two of you. It’s goofy as hell. Dancing is also fun while waiting for the tea water to boil. Beats staring at the TV!
Staring contest. Do it up 7th grade style. Make faces! Cheat a bit.
Play a game. Any game, but especially one that allows you to get competitive. My boyfriend gets really into Twister…REALLY into it. It’s fun, it allows some compromising positions, without being TOO too sexual.
Cook an insanely elaborate meal. Soup to nuts. Something challenging. At best, you will have an awesome meal. At worst, you’ll end up burning everything, trashing it and ordering chinese. Fun nonetheless!
Collaborate on a project. Fuse your talents and take something on together. Whether it’s writing a move script, painting the kitchen wall, or just putting together a dumb ikea bookshelf, tackling something together gets your bonding hormones juicing. Triple extra points if it’s something creative. High fives!
Read aloud. My boyfriend and I took turns reading segments of Mr. Funnypants on the plane to Hawaii. We did different voices, plus that book is hilarious, so we were giggling throughout. Everyone else hated us though, so maybe just do this in the privacy of your home.
Plan a dream vacation. Even if you never go on it, it’s still fun to plan out that week in Greece or Italy. Maybe it will inspire you to start saving your pennies, or maybe you will just drool over that villa with the infinity pool overlooking a vineyard. Dreaming is fun!
“Tell me a story.” I’m not so much of a phone person, but being in a dual-city relationship, we are sort of forced to spend time on the phone if we want to remain connected during the week. After two years of this, I now love talking, but at first found it difficult. So I used to ask the boyfriend to “tell me a story.” Putting him on the spot caused him to sputter out something he never planned on sharing, like a story from his childhood, or a funny college moment he treasures. It’s still one of my favorite ways to fill a silence.
Turn. Off. The. F*cking. TV. I was living with a boyfriend once, and our relationship was on the fritz, and we would spend every night staring at the TV. This should have been a huge red warning sign; neither of us were TV people. (Now broken up and in our own separate apartments, neither of us even have TVs…) Sometimes I think that had we turned off the distraction and spent that quality time actually focusing on one another, we would have saved our relationship. TV is fun and easy, and sometimes it’s a much needed distraction after a hectic work week, but try vowing to go TV-less for a week. Pop a bottle of wine, sit across the table from another, and see what happens.