I am 7 days away from my move to Hawaii, and my new cohabitation situation with my manfriend. We’ve been discussing what will be different in our new living situation (basically everything) and how we will handle any problems should they arise – like splitting groceries, doing chores, etc. These are things to discuss now so that we don’t end up throwing dishes in two months when someone can’t understand how to clear a shower drain for the umpteenth time. I’ve seen relationships derailed over less.
Actually, one of the small things that ended up being a pretty big issue in my last cohabitated relationship was showering. I’m all for showering with a friend on occasion, if I’m feeling it. Showering with your partner can be fun. It can be cute. It can also be sexy. How often do you get to be naked in the name of the environment? But sometimes you just want to shave your damn armpits without anyone breathing over your shoulder. I like to hog the water, and I like the water boiling hot.
Often when you live with someone, you aren’t on the same shower schedule so this really isn’t an issue. Or, if you spend all day apart, maybe a morning shower can be a sweet daily ritual. However, In my last relationship, we were both working from home, and we would hit the gym together and then hop in the shower together. Every day. I don’t care if it’s better for the environment, after months of this, I was missing my alone time. When I would request solo suds time, it would spark a fight.
While the shower situation is specific, this translates into all facets of cohabitation. How do you say you want some alone time without bruising any egos? Maybe you just want to run errands sans company, or go out with your friends without a sidekick.
It all comes down to communication. I think the healthiest relationships blossom because of an ability to understand and respect the need for alone time, and the ability to not take it personally when one of you is all “get out of me, I just want the apartment to myself for a few hours so I can watch my own stupid shit on Hulu/call my friends and talk about you/masturbate.” Yes, leave so I can masturbate. Now there’s a statement sure to spark an argument. Happy National Masturbation Month, everybody!
I have proven not to be so great at asking for my alone time, and I am worried it will become a problem in my new living situation, just as it was a problem in my last. I just let it go until I am so fed up I snap over something small, so all of a sudden my partner thinks I am angry because he forgot to pick up dish soap, but really I am angry because it’s been six weeks since I last saw myself naked without company. I don’t want the shack in shacking up to turn into shackle, know what I’m saying? So, how do you handle this, oh wise readers of iEG?
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